Reason For Breathing
by Twilight Luver 2 0 0 9
Summary: “He—he forced his self on me, Jacob!” I couldn’t hold it in. “I didn’t want to—I didn’t! I told him no, but he wouldn’t listen he—“ Jacob cut me off, “What?” His voice was angry again, his body shaking against mine. “Damnit! Who the hell was it?"
1. Chapter 1

I took in the air of what the August had to offer here in Forks. It was cool. Not too hot, not to cold. I had just started school here over a month ago. I loved it.

We were constantly always moving around due to my rapid growing but I've been growing a lot slower the past couple months, a lot slower, actually growing at normal speed. We finally chose to live in Forks permanently so that I could go to school. Momma was thrilled. She wanted to live next to Grandpa Charlie. I always make sure to see him enough—oh how I loved my grandpa Charlie.

I'm five, soon to be six but I'm psychically sixteen and dad told me I'm mentally even older. He never told me how old I am mentally and I really didn't care.

I was glad to be moving closer to my best friend, Jacob who always visited a lot despite where we lived. He made sure to come often and it still wasn't enough. He would stay over sometimes—the longest he has stayed was for about a week and I still needed to see him more.

I walked away from building five, French which was my last class.

"Hey Ren," I heard Joshua Richards greet.

I twirled around to find him behind me with his sweet smile I loved.

Josh was tall, lean and muscular. His dirty blonde hair was cut short, always spiked. I loved how strong his face features were, how cute he looked. I loved his dark green eyes. I cared about him, I did… But I don't know if I would call it love, like how momma loves dad or how dad loves momma. I cared about him though, which is all that mattered.

I told no one. I kept my thoughts from my dad and was so glad I was practically unable to show up in Alice's visions—I would come out blurry, and rarely she would make out what my future was but she never picked up on my relationship with Josh.

I wanted to tell Jacob, my best friend but I was afraid for him to think about it and have my dad find out—and I couldn't tell momma. She's always with dad. But even I think she would be against me being so close with a human. I didn't let any of my friends come to the house, afraid they would think about me and Josh.

I smiled. "Hey, what are—"

He interrupted me with a kiss. I kissed him back, our lips moving against one another for a moment until I pulled away with a slight smile.

"Let's study at my place." He smiled, grabbing hold of both my hands.

"Okay!" I quickly said because no way in hell were we studying at my house.

"Hey—Ren!"

I turned to see Chelsea Writer running along after me. She was breathless by the time she reached me.

"Can I borrow your notes from English?" She asked.

I nodded. "Sure. But… you were there?"

She bit her thin bottom lip before releasing it, "Actually I was texting Conner and got distracted."

I laughed. "Okay yeah, I can come over tonight and we will work something out.

Chelsea flashed me her big smile before trotting off.

The clouds covered the whole sky. It rained most of the day and just stopped about an hour ago. I have to admit I do miss the sun. My skin didn't sparkle when in the sun like my family, it glowed. A human's eyes really can't see—not like a vampire's eye-sight could.

Joshua started to lead me towards his red neon.

I slung my pink backpack in his backseat before getting into the passenger seat. When we both were now into the car and fastened in, I concentrated on feeling the soft fabric of the seat against my bare shoulders because of the strapless yellow top I wore with my reddish curls lightly touching the top of my shoulders.

I took off the black elastic band off my wrist—from Jacob, I picked up this habit to always carry a hair tie around—I tied my hair back in a messy bun and then looked at Josh who I caught was already looking at me with a grin.

I pulled out my Blackberry phone from my pocket and decided to text Jacob.

_Hey don't pick me up. I'm going to Chelsea's house to study. I will talk to you later though._

I'm trying to live a normal teenage life. Is that so much to ask?

My phone vibrated, indicating I had a text from… Jacob.

_Where is Chelsea's house?_

I sighed.

_I don't know. I will ask and then text you back._

I hit send the moment I felt the car start to move when Josh backed out, out of the parking spot. When he pulled out of the school it started to drizzle unsurprisingly. I felt his right hand grab for mine and I took hold of his hand in return.

I had a new text and I used my right hand to open it.

_Okay honey. Get back to me ASAP._

Guilty, I felt nothing but guilty… I lied to Jacob; I lied to my best friend. That's something I haven't done yet. I lied to everyone else—momma, dad, my aunts and my uncles… even Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle but never Jacob. I always tried to stay far away from lying to him.

Thinking about how guilty I felt the car came to an abrupt stop.

I looked at the clock on the dashboard that read 3:21PM—did it really take eleven minutes to get here? It felt much shorter than that.

I took off my seat belt and was about to swing over into the back seat to get my backpack but Josh grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"Don't worry about it," he smiled. "Come on, let's get inside. The rain is only getting harder."

I felt a little confused that he didn't want me to get my bag. We needed it to study. But I listened… Maybe he wanted to just come and get it later.

It was a nice house. A blue concrete two story house that had four white columns in the front with white trimming around the windows that were high and beautiful. A garden wrapped along the front to the sides of the house.

I couldn't stop and stare at the house for longer than three seconds. Josh and I jumped out of his car and ran through the doublewide front door, inside the house. I was completely soaked and so was he. We giggled like idiots for a few moments.

I've never been to his house. We've only been together for about five days. We were friends before then but I still never came to his house. It was very detailed. The inside was much nicer then the outside and the outside were pretty nice.

A huge living room greeted you when you walked in and to the left a curved, marbled stairway went up onto the second floor… obviously. I noticed that the tile was marble, just like the stairs. There were paintings hanging along the walls perfectly. A statue of a woman stood next to the black grand piano in the far back—the piano reminded me of my dad. I felt so much guiltier.

I felt my expression change when forcing myself to look elsewhere.

"Are you okay?" Josh asked gently. "You look upset…"

I forced a smile. "I'm fine—show me more of the house."

A huge smile formed on his lips. He grabbed my hand, leading me to the stairway. We walked up to the second floor which was all carpeted on that floor, a deep dark pink colored filled the area when stepping off the stairs. Josh led me to the room straight ahead, the door already opened.

It was a bedroom. The walls were painted green and posters were hanging along the walls of familiar and unfamiliar famous people. The carpet was a light gray color. I noticed a flat screen computer to the far right corner and a laptop on the desk next to it.

I skimmed my eyes around the room…

The queen sized bed in the room had a dark green comforter, a complete different shade from the walls—the walls were a much lighter green.

"This is your room?" I asked. I turned to face him.

He placed both his hands on my hips, pressing me against him.

"Yes, my room." He whispered right before catching his lips to mine.

I immediately wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt his tongue run against my bottom lip. I parted my lips, allowing his tongue to make entrance. His hands swept pass my backside and went to the back of my thighs before slowly rising a little higher, staying at my backside before griping there. My insides were startled at first—Josh has never touched that way and I wasn't sure what to make of it… if I liked it. I let him. It wasn't hurting anything…

He started to walk forward, our lips not unattached as he continued to walk, making me walk backwards. I didn't understand what was going on, why we were moving while kissing until I felt the bed against the back of my legs. He pressed me, pushing me lightly and I knew for sure now that he wanted me on the bed so I sat down and he pushed me down to where I was now laying on my back with him against me.

I felt his lips placing kisses along my neck. I felt my nails starting to dig into the back of his neck and I really had to chant to myself to be easy, to not use all my straight when feeling the sudden jolt of something run through me as he continued to kiss my neck. It felt good. I liked it. A lot.

We've never kissed like this.

My nails dug in his skin just a little bit deeper and his breathing got heavier with mine possibly heavier than his. His lips sucked and kissed my neck and I gasped when he hit a very sensitive spot. I wanted to make him feel as great as he was making me feel.

"J-Josh," I panted.

He took a moment before he pulled away to look at me and I took that opportunity to do exactly what he had just did to me. I kissed him along his neck… I was glad I hunted yesterday or this would be very difficult for me but my throat still felt a little uneasy.

I watched him pull away, quickly taking off his blue t-shirt, revealing his muscles of his pale chest. I brought my lips back to his neck and he gripped my hips. I moved a little lower, now against his collarbone as I was still under him.

"Oh hell, Ren!" He groaned loudly, his hand rubbing up and down my bare thigh. "You're so amazing."

I've been told that from my family… but it was different hearing it from him but why?

I smiled, still kissing along his collarbone and back to his neck when feeling him slowly switch positions, now between my legs. He took both his hands, guiding me to wrap my legs around him and I did. My sandals slipped off now.

I had both our lips meet again right before feeling something hard against me right in between my legs and I was a little confused...

Josh grab had grabbed hold at the top of my strapless shirt, pulling it down so quickly and forcefully. By the time I realized what he was doing, he was already massaging my breast through my strapless bra before he pulled that down too, massaging me there again. I started to like it at first until that hard feeling pressed up against me, between my legs again.

I pulled away and looked down towards where the hard feeling was coming from—my eyes widened and I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before. My heart had already been pounding in my chest but it just got a lot rougher and more uneven.

As long as it didn't get farther than this, then I'm fine…

It was like he read my mind, to try and make my life a living hell because he brought his hand down to unbutton his pants and undo his zipper.

"N-no," I stuttered. "I… don't—"

He smashed his lips to mine right when I felt him rub his hand up against my breast again.

So we weren't going to do… that? I hope not. This is as far as it's getting.

His hands gripped my hips pressing me against him and I still felt very uncomfortable. I was afraid that this would go farther so I only concentrated on every move from here and on. I wouldn't let it get farther.

"God Ren, I want you." He whispered right after pulling away from my lips. "So, so much."

I watched him hover lower, his face right between my legs now and quickly zipped down my shorts.

"Josh, we need to stop—please."

His face was quickly to back up to mine with his hand still down there and his other started to cup my breast.

"I can make you feel amazing, Ren." He murmured against my neck. "Just relax."

I slowly shook my head and I expected him to stop right there but he didn't. Instead he quickly unbuttoned my shorts and I was horrorstruck. I couldn't believe that he wouldn't stop after I asked him to. I couldn't move, still shocked.

"P-p-please stop." I still couldn't move and was surprised when I was able to make sound. "I don't want to do—"

"Shhh… Ren, just go with it. You will warm up to it, I promise."

The tears streamed down my face.

"No!" I screamed. "Get off of me!"

"If you just relax you will enjoy—"

"NO!" I screamed louder.

A second later I was able to move and pushed him off of me. He was shocked I pushed him off so easily, as if he were a feather. I knew I didn't want… that. I wasn't ready and it didn't feel right. It felt wrong. Completely wrong. The tears continued running down my cheeks nonstop.

"Baby," he spoke softly, getting to his feet onto the carpet. "Everything is okay—trust me, you will be fine."

I just shook my head, pulling my bra and strapless shirt back up. My head started to spin. My heart ached with hurt and betrayal. I wished that this didn't happen, that the Josh I thought I knew wouldn't have tried to… force me. He was still trying to force me.

"You're amazing, baby." He skimmed his eyes down my body. "I love you."

"If you love me then we don't have to do this…" I nearly whispered.

I gave him a chance to turn this all around, to even forgive and forget that this ever happened. His dark green eyes had burned into mine.

"We're together. This is what we're supposed to do." His voice was harsh—I've never heard him use that tone. "If you expect me to stay with you without this then you're a joke and I don't need you."

More tears came, blurring my vision.

"Y-you don't… need me?" I sniffled, thinking about his words.

"Not if you can't give this one little thing I ask from you."

I looked at his angry expression he held. I had to leave. I couldn't stay; I couldn't stay and give him… that. I was better than that. I wouldn't give it up so easily. I will just have to leave. I don't care if him and were suppose to be friends… he wasn't suppose to do that; he wasn't suppose to try and force me into something I didn't want. Friends don't do that.

I quickly grabbed my sandals and ran out of the room—I fought the urge to take off inhumanly fast. I had to wait to be outside at least. It was pouring now. I waited until I was into the forest until I picked up speed. The ran slapped against me as my tears still came.

I sobbed, running and running through the mossy green trees, everything blurring right by.

I knew exactly where to go. Who I needed. I needed Jacob.

Jacob. I need him.

So Jacob Black's house it is.

**I'm not sure if this is a one-shot or if I'm continuing. Leave a review and tell me what you think! This is my first fafic. Reviews will encourage me. Thank you for reading!**

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	2. Chapter 2

The forest floor flew under my feet while thinking about what just happened not even two minutes ago. I couldn't believe Josh would do that to me. He's supposed to be my friend. It was like, once we took things to the next level, our friendship didn't matter to him anymore.

I quickly wiped away the tears that blurred my sight so that I could see a little better. Once the tears had spilled over and down my cheeks I didn't bother wiping those because they already had mixed in with the rain that continued to slap against my face and my whole body.

The harder I cried, the harder the rain became it seemed.

I sniffled.

Josh doesn't care about me. He doesn't need me. You know what? I don't need him either.

My best friend is who I need.

I pushed my legs even faster; faster than I have ever ran. I never knew I could run this fast. I guess it goes to show how much I needed to see Jacob. To hear his husky voice, to touch him, to feel his warm touch that soothed me.

Like a best friend, Jacob always helped me, through thick and thin.

It felt like a never ending run.

My heart had burst with relief when I instantly flew into Jacob's back yard, like his house had just magically jumped on my trail. I couldn't believe I was actually here right now, that I was here at Jacob Black's house.

I tried opening the back door but it was locked and I cursed to myself. I was going to literally bust it down but I wasn't that out of it. So I ran to the front of the house, at the front door in a second. I swung it open—I would have broken that door down if it was locked.

I ran through the house. I was in his room in a flash.

I was startled to see Seth standing in front of Jacob's dresser. My head shot around the small room, looking for Jacob. It was only Seth. I immediately ran into his arms though. I needed to hug someone and Seth happened to be that person.

I felt my wet body hug Seth's warm body tightly and he slowly wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't speak at first.

"Nessie, what's wrong?" Seth asked with concern, his arms wrapping tighter around me. "We've been worried sick about you. Jacob and I tried texting you."

I sniffed loudly and then sobbed.

"I-I need him, I need Jacob!" My body trembled. Hugging Seth helped the slightest but Jacob was who I needed. "I really need him, Seth!"

Seth spoke some more but I didn't comprehend what he had said. I was such a wreck, my mind only thinking about Jacob and how much I need him.

"Wh-where is he!?" My breath was uneven and my voice was completely off. "Tell me where he is!"

"He's in the bathroo—"

I let go of him and was in front of the bathroom in less than a second. I banged loudly on it, hearing the shower running behind the door.

"God, not again!" I heard Jacob complain. "I swear Seth if—"

"Jacob!" I banged on the door again. "Please, it's me Jake!"

"Nessie?" and then his voice soon sounded much closer, like he was right on the other side of the door. "Nessie are you okay?"

"N-No!" My voice cracked and the tears continued. "I need you, please—hurry!"

The shower cut off and I heard wet feet against the bathroom floor. Not even two seconds later the door opened with him in pants and I was jumping into his arms, hugging Jacob, _my Jacob._ I buried my head between his neck and shoulder, holding him more tightly, our wet bodies pressing against eachother.

"Are you hurt?" He instantly asked.

My breath just got more uneven as I continued to sob. I wanted to tell him that I was psychically fine, not to worry too much, that I just needed him but I couldn't speak at first. I was so upset that I couldn't speak. I wanted to stay like this for awhile, in Jacob's arms, where I felt the safest.

"I just need you, Jake!" I cried even harder. "I-I need you so much!"

"I'm here, honey." He whispered in my ear. "Please calm down. Are you hurt?"

My body was still shaken. I felt ready to crumble from how shaken I was. I wasn't sure what to say. Yes, I'm hurt—but I didn't want to say yes, I didn't want Jacob to overreact, thinking I'm seriously injured.

I sniffled. "What… do… you mean?"

"Just—god Nessie, please answer me."

I sobbed. I knew he was frustrated, wanting to know what was wrong. I didn't know where to start. I wasn't sure what to say or how to say it or if I could even talk anymore.

I felt Jacob's chest vibrate against me when he yelled, "Seth—you still here?"

I heard footsteps behind me, guessing it being Seth.

"What happened?" Jacob asked in his Alpha voice, I guess to Seth.

"She just barged in and hugged me, asking where you were—that she needed you." Seth sounded so concerned and confused. "I don't know, Jake."

Jacob sighed, his voice filled with sadness while I continued to sob, "Could… could you give us some privacy? It's your shift anyways."

"Yeah sure."

Two seconds later I heard the front door open and close shut.

My body still shook.

"Nessie," He spoke softly. I felt the air around me moving and I guessed Jacob was walking. "Please, tell me what's going on."

I opened my eyes, noticing we were now in Jacob's room. My head was still buried in the same place while I still wrapped my legs and arms around him.

"Please," he begged, his hand rubbing the small of my back. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I-I didn't want to do it." Is how I started it off and I didn't know how I was going to go on from there, I just let whatever roll off my tongue. I let out another sob. "I didn't want to Jake—but I just—god I need you!"

"You didn't want to do what?" He was confused, trying to put the pieces together.

"I didn't want to do… that." My voice changed at the word _that_, hoping he knew what I was talking about. I sniffled some more and then said, "I need you."

"Honey please be more clear."

I thought about what had happened. What Josh did to me, trying to force his self on me, knowing I wasn't ready. But he didn't care. He didn't care at all. My so called friend didn't care about me.

My body trembled all over again, thinking about what happened. I let loose a whimper to the memory, a loud whimper.

"Why don't you sit down, Ness?" Jacob suggested.

"Okay." I replied in a small voice.

I held onto him tighter to the thought of having to let him go.

"You're going to have to let go of me, okay?" He spoke even softer than before. "Then tell me exactly what happened."

I had to let it out. I had to tell Jacob what happened. I couldn't hold it in.

"It was horrible—so horrible. I didn't want to but he didn't care!" My lungs were soar from how hard I was crying. "I didn't want to. I liked it at first but... It started to go too far!"

It was silent.

Jacob unwrapped his arms from around me and then grabbed my arms, unhooking them from around his neck. Then he did the same thing with my legs. I was now standing, looking down at the bedroom floor and closed my eyes tightly shut as my mind was filled with the terrible memory. I felt Jacob's warm fingers under my chin before tilting my face to look up at him. My eyes were still closed. I was too ashamed to look at him. I mean after all I didn't stop it right away. I even liked it at first. Jacob is probably disgusted with me.

"Please look at me, Ness."

I opened my eyes to look at him, straight into his dark eyes.

Jacob's eyes dropped to look down and then brought his eyes back to my face.

"Your shirt..." Was all he said at first and I dropped my head to look down at my strapless yellow shirt that was all stretched out, coming down some and slightly revealing my white strapless bra and I tried pulling it up but it would fall back down. I looked back up at Jacob. He dropped his eyes again and I watched his expression turn angry. His suddenly angry tone surprised me. "What the hell happened?"

I followed his gaze and sure enough, he was looking down at my white unzipped and unbuttoned shorts I forgotten about. Right then and there I felt even more ashamed. I quickly buttoned and zipped my shorts, my hands shaky but I managed to still get it done in a flash.

Ashamed. I felt ashamed. He's disgusted with me, he has to be!

I didn't want to but I looked up at Jacob.

"What the hell happened, Ness!?" His voice was angrier.

I quickly brought my hands to my face. I couldn't look at him anymore.

"I'm sorry!" I felt more tears build up and rub against my hands. "I'm—I'm so sorry, Jacob!"

From embarrassment, I started to head out of the room but was blocked by an angry Jacob whose body started to shake.

He took in a breath and slowly let it out before his voice came out calmer as his body relaxed some "I'm not mad at you, Ness—just please tell me it isn't what it looks like. I'm sorry. My mind jumped straight into the gutter."

I wrapped my arms around his waist so tightly.

"He—he forced his self on me, Jacob!" I had to say it. I couldn't hold it in. "I didn't want to—I didn't! I told him no, but he wouldn't listen he—"

"What?" His voice was angry again, his body shaking against mine. "Damnit! Who the hell was it?"

He was asking who it was?

"W-why?"

"Tell me—who was it!?"

I bit my lip and then slowly released it. "Tell me w-why, Jake."

He swung his large hands around, grabbing my wrists and unwrapping my arms from around him. He walked away from me—stopped after two steps. His back was now facing me. I watched his skin still shake, his muscles flexing.

"Jacob?" I realized I was no longer crying, distracted by Jacob's behavior. "A-are you okay?"

"No—I'm fucking not okay!" He turned to look at me, his eyes showing beyond fury. "Tell me who the hell it is so I can rip their fucking head off for…" His muscles were turning more prominent as if ready to unleash. "God, I'm going to kill him!"

I was now afraid. If I didn't just say his name, what would Jacob do to me? No. I trust Jacob; he wouldn't do anything to me. The question is, what will he do to Josh if he finds out it was him? I don't need him murdering anyone. It was a mistake for me o come here like this, to tell him. I then decided that I should leave…

Jacob blocked the door, staring at me without blinking.

"J-Jake… I want to leave." I felt dizzy. I wanted to leave so desperately. Jacob has never scared me so much in my life. "Please get out of my way."

Jacob just stood there his body still shaking. He placed a hand over his eyes and took in a deep breath but he still shook. I still felt very wary… and afraid.

"Jacob you're scaring me." I admitted.

That was all I needed to say because he dropped his hand to his side and his expression immediately softened. His eyes were no longer furious as they didn't lie off of me. I felt safe. I then knew he wouldn't hurt me and I felt silly to be afraid.

"I would never hurt you." I knew he meant every word. He took three quick strides to me, wrapping his arms around me. "I'm sorry, Nessie. I didn't mean to scare you—it's just hard. I just can't let him get away with it, I…"

I held back my tears and just sniffed. I looked back on the memory.

"It's partially my fault, I might have led—"

"No!" Jacob's loud voice startled me. "No way in hell is it your fault. You… said no, didn't you?"

I answered. "Yes. I said no."

I felt his body slightly shake. "Please tell me who it is."

"Josh." I whispered.

"Josh who?"

I only answered because he was now a lot calmer.

"Josh Richards."

Jacob slowly let me go. He didn't look at me when saying, "I need to go run."

My heart started to pound. "Don't go after him, Jacob. Please just—"

"I just need to go and get my mind off of things." He didn't look at me. I had a bad feeling that he was up to no good. "I will be back soon. I'll send someone to come here and take you home."

I snatched Jacob's hand when he started to walk out of the room but I grabbed only air and suddenly heard the front door slam. I just stood frozen. I was about to run after him but I couldn't move.

My mind couldn't even comprehend what Jacob was going to do if he finds him . . .

If he finds Joshua Richards.

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**So please review me and tell me what you think! A special thanks to LiLAnnie123, TwilightObsessionx, and Liana111. I love and appreciate when my readers review. They make me happy and encourage me. So please, review! How do you think I did bringing Jacob into the picture? The last thing I want to do is disappoint you so please tell me what you think. If you have any ideas, message me and let me know. I'm very open minded. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

I wasn't sure how long I just stood there. I concentrated on my dripping wet hair, and the way it sounded when it dripped when hitting the wooden floor of Jacob's bedroom. I took in a breath and slowly let it out. I wasn't sure what to do. I really couldn't do anything.

My phone vibrated and I jumped to the surprise. I pulled it out of my soaked, wet shorts pocket. I saw that it was a text message from Chelsea. She was asking if I was still coming over tonight—I had completely forgotten about going to her house.

I replied.

_Things have come up. Not tonight. Sorry._

Then I took apart my phone that was wet, deciding to let the Blackberry dry out on top the light wooden dresser. I was surprised it didn't stop working from the water.

My breathing was still rough. I tried not to think about what Jacob was off to do. Would he really kill someone?

No. He wouldn't. He would hurt Josh. He's definitely mad enough to hurt him, to take his anger out on him but I don't think he would actually… kill him.

I fidgeted with the end of my shirt. I couldn't just sit here, waiting and wondering what was going on. I have to do something with my time.

I looked at the walls of the small room. I remembered when I was little; I had told Jacob that he looked amazing in green. Not just any green. Forest Green. So we painted his room two days later… He chose to paint it forest green. I remember the huge smile I gave him when he told me what color, knowing it was because of my complement to him.

Every memory with Jacob is amazing.

I took my focus off the walls and for the first time I really noticed how messy his bedroom was. Now that I really actually looked, it was a disaster. Clothes were everywhere. Blocking his closet door to where you probably can't even open it. The two bottom dresser drawers were slightly open with clothes sticking out.

Its been awhile since I cleaned his room for him. A little over a week. I'm getting behind as I can see.

To kill some time I piled all his dirty clothes together. I put all the darks together because there were more dark colors than anything. So I took them to the tiny laundry room that was next to the bathroom and put them into the washer, doing a large load.

I made my way back into Jacob's room piling more dirty clothes together. Just when I thought I got them all I checked under his bed and there were more but I didn't mind. This was actually helping a little to take my mind off of things.

I emptied his dressers and folded everything neatly. Underwear and socks the top drawer, shirts in the middle, pants and shorts in the bottom.

I swept up and thought about mopping while I continued to sweep the hardwood floor.

A laugh is what made me abruptly stop and turn my head to see Billy sitting in his wheelchair with a grin on his face right at the bedroom door.

I leaned the broom against the dresser and then made my way to Billy. I gave him a hug that he returned. He laughed again and I pulled away with a questioning look.

"Cleaning Jake's room like a housewife, are you?"

I bit my lip when feeling a blush come to the surface to the thought of me being Jacob's wife. For some reason I… liked it. I liked thinking about being Jacob's wife. Him being my husband. I was so startled with myself, realizing what I was thinking.

What's wrong with me? I must be a freak to think that way about Jacob who is just my friend, a very good friend that I won't think of like that again.

"It… needed cleaning." I forced a smile, brushing off the thoughts I was just having.

"Is mine next?" Billy asked teasingly.

I knew he was joking but if he really needed me to clean his room I would. I know it's hard for him to get around.

"If you want me to, I will." I assured.

He flashed me a look of disbelief. "Nonsense Nessie. But thanks. You're too kind for your own good."

I watched him back out of the room and then rolled his way out of sight.

I quickly finished sweeping. I noticed a couple ones and some change scattered on top of the dresser. I gathered it up and put it in the clear glass jewelry box I bought for Jacob and had painted two yellow roses on the lid about three years ago.

I loved running into the stuff I made or gave Jacob. He treasured everything I've ever gave him. It was so sweet but I do the same exact thing when he makes or buys me things. Does he feel the same way when he notices everything he gives me I save?

I put the broom back into the laundry room where I got it from and then went out in the living room where Billy was. He was watching a documentary of Daniel Boone.

"Have you heard from Jacob?" I asked, sitting down on the love seat.

Billy glanced at me before bring his eyes back to the television. "Afraid not. Does he know you're here?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

He looked over at me with a smile. "Then he will definitely be back. He won't forget you're here."

Billy's brown eyes studied my face as if he were searching for something. It was a little weird. I forced myself to look away, bring my eyes to the television. I instantly stood up to my feet.

"Can I borrow your house phone?"

I need to try and get a hold of Jacob.

"Of course!" He was surprised I asked. "You don't have to ask, Nessie. You're family."

I smiled and then made my way to the kitchen. I grabbed the white house phone off the receiver and quickly dialed Jacob's number. I would have used my cell phone but being it's a Blackberry it would take too long for my liking, waiting for it to turn on.

Two rings and it went to voice mail. Of course Jacob never messed with his voice mail like I wish he had. So I could at least hear his voice, even if it was only recorded.

I decided to leave a message, "Hey Jacob. It's me. You worried so I was just checking if you were okay. Please call me back. I'm still at your house so call back on your house phone…" I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Billy's eyes glued to the TV. I lowered my voice, "I don't want you to go after Josh. Don't hurt him or do anything stupid. I don't want you to, Jake. Please. For me? I-I love you."

I hung up and put the phone back on the receiver.

I laid on the little love seat. I watched the television some for a couple minutes before I decided to lie down. I snatched the little brown pillow that sat next to me and used that to rest my head on. I yawned again.

Soon, I was dragged into tiredness, letting it pull me in until I was out cold.

I woke up to the warm touch of fingers gently stroking against my forehead. I knew it was the comforting touch of Jacob. I couldn't mistake that touch… ever.

My eyes opened up to see Jacob sitting down on the floor next to me, the clearest thing I saw in the darkness of the living room. I tiredly sat up on the loveseat, my legs hanging over.

Jacob smiled and I had to smile back.

I saw it was only us two.

"Where's Billy?" I asked.

"He went to sleep."

Jacob rested his hand on my thigh before laying his head in my lap. I didn't know why at first but my heart started to pound and my body craved him. I wanted his hand to move up farther and touch me in different ways.

My breath hitched and I couldn't believe the dirty thoughts that had flashed into my mind.

His head lifted up to look at me and then quickly got up, sitting next to me. "Are you okay, Nessie?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine."

I swallowed and then turned my head to look over at Jacob.

Our faces were now only inches apart. I felt his warm breath brush against my face and my body only craved him more. I wanted to touch his soft russet skin so without thinking, I brought my hand to touch his face, stroking his right cheek.

I thought about Jacob pressing me against the couch, kissing my neck. I thought about his hands running all over my body in a pleasurable way. I couldn't tell him what I was thinking. That I loved him, that I loved him _that way_ and that I wanted to show him how much I loved him.

His voice snapped me out of my thoughts, "I love you too, Nessie."

My eyes widened and I pulled my hand away. My heart banged even harder in my chest. He saw. I just… showed him. How much I hated it when I would do that—but wait how much did he see?

"Wh-what did you see?" I asked. I had to know.

"All of it." He whispered.

I could die from embarrassment.

I felt myself starting to cry, "I'm—I'm so sorry, Jacob. I don't know what's wrong with—"

"Shhh, Honey," he placed his large hand against my cheek. "I feel the exact same way."

That really did it for me. I couldn't help but crash my lips to his, kissing him with so much passion. How much I wanted this, how much I really craved it.

I tasted his lips on my tongue, his warm lips as he parted them, accepting my tongue's access.

Jacob pushed me to where I was laying on the couch and then pinned me down. His lips moved to my neck and my breathing got heavy.

It felt nothing like this when Josh kissed my neck. This felt so much better.

"Jake," I panted. "I—wow."

"Yes?" he whispered against my neck.

I continued to pant. "That…feels amazing."

"It's about to get even better." His voice got huskier and my hips pushed forward to his promise, "Mmm, so much better."

I felt his teeth lightly nibble on my ear, his hands pushing up against my breast.

"Oh," I breathed. "Jacob!"

Everything started to fade. I felt confused when everything went black and quiet. I soon picked up that I had been dreaming.

I still held my eyes shut, my heart pounding from thinking about my dream I just had. I couldn't believe I dreamt such a way about my best friend. Seriously, what was wrong with me? I need to stop it. It's… scaring me.

My eyes slowly opened up and I jumped to the surprise of Jacob sitting on the floor, sitting in the same exact spot as in my dream and my heart went crazy all over again as he smiled at me.

I gulped. "Jake?"

"Yes?"

I watched his face very carefully, his beautiful face. I never realized how beautiful he was. I mean, I always thought he was beautiful… but I was never attracted to him like I now suddenly am. I felt so strange and so completely wrong to think of him this way.

"What is it, Ness?"

I snapped out of my gawking. "Uh—nothing."

I sat up and realized we were alone and it instantly rolled off my tongue. "Where's Billy?"

"He went to sleep." He answered . . .

Just like my dream.

This was feeling just like my dream.

I felt like laughing at myself. If only my dream would really come true. God, hopefully this is just a phase and I snap out of it by the time I'm around my dad. He won't ever let me see Jacob again if my mind continues to think of Jacob in such a way.

Jacob rested his head in my lap and my insides slightly jumped. This was a little different though—his hand wasn't resting on my right thigh like my dream but this still was pretty close to my dream so my heart didn't slow.

Jacob's head lifted up and then came too sit on the couch next to me.

"Are you okay, honey?" He asked.

This was all too close to my dream.

"I'm fine."

I turned my head to look over at Jacob, forcing a small smile. Our faces were now only inches apart. Just like my dream, I felt his warm breath brush against my face and my body only craved for him. I wanted to touch his soft russet skin but I stopped myself. I knew not to. That's how it started in my dream only I knew it wouldn't end up like that.

Jacob would look down on me and I will only make myself look like an idiot if I tried to follow the path of my dream. If I knew it would end up like my dream then I would do it in heartbeat but I would have to be dumb to think that Jacob could ever want me like that…

That really hurt, thinking that Jacob couldn't ever really want me…

I need to get my thoughts together before seeing my dad.

Jacob took a strand of my hair and started to play with it like he always would. Alice use to pull a fit when I would rather Jacob brush or do my hair instead of her. "It has to be my Jacob!" I would tell her and she would pout for what felt like forever until she finally would mutter something under her breath before leaving.

"I should probably take you home." Jacob whispered.

"No!" I replied quickly. I can't be around my dad. Not yet. I lowered my voice when speaking again, "No, Jake. I want to stay here with you. I don't want to go home yet."

Jacob smiled hugely and I wasn't sure why. "Okay you can stay. Just let me call and let them know before your dad has my head." He released the stray curl he was playing with and then got up. He stopped and looked at me, "I should probably just call Bells."

I giggled to the sudden fear that took over his face because lately, dad has been acting weird about me staying over Jacob's house and I wasn't sure why. I know my mom would be fine with it so I gave Jacob a nod, agreeing with him.

I watched Jacob make his way to his small dining room, snatching up his cell phone off the table. I watched him with way to much interest as he flipped it open and watched the little screen while he began dialing.

He wasn't looking at me and I took the opportunity to skim my eyes up and down his body. I couldn't help but have my eyes linger on his bare toned chest and his muscled arms.

My eyesight was amazing and I was so thankful for it. I was glad I was able to see every detail of his chest through the darkness. I heard his voice while he talked on the phone but I couldn't tell you what he was saying while I continued to gawk over him.

I wasn't able to look long enough because suddenly Jacob's voice broke me out of it.

"Nessie?"

"Y-yeah?" My heart picked up speed, snapping my eyes away only hoping I wasn't caught. "What is it?"

"Do you want to stop by the house and get clothes?"

I shook my head. "No I'm fine."

I'm not going to the house. That's the whole point of me staying here so I don't have to go there. Plus I like the idea of being around Jacob longer.

"You can't stay in those wet clothes." He sounded so worried. "God, the least Ray could have done was wake you and have you change."

"They aren't really wet anymore and I think… I have clothes here." I suddenly remembered. "When I was cleaning your room I saw some in your drawer."

I'm absolutely sure I did.

"Those are actually from a year ago when you visited here." Jacob pointed out. "They're probably too small for you so why don't we just go to the house, that way—"

"No." I felt childish to argue over something like this. "I don't want to. I'm too tired."

Jacob just stood there staring at me before he let out a sigh.

I knew I won right then and there.

"Okay Ness," He breathed. "Whatever you want."

I smiled.

Then, I suddenly remembered the load I washed. "Shoot!"

I jumped up off the couch and was instantly in the small laundry room. I opened up the washer and started putting the wet clothes in the drier and then grabbed a drier sheet from the box and put it in with the clothes. I set it on _"Very Dry"_ and then pushed start.

I turned to the door to find Jacob already standing there.

"You don't have to wash my clothes." Jacob said and then yawned.

"You say that every time and I still do it anyways."

"I know," He rubbed his tired eyes. "I'm just letting you know so you don't feel obligated."

My mind came to what happened earlier. The whole Josh situation darted into my mind and I felt myself turn suddenly worried. Did Jacob go after him?

"Jake I hate to bring this up…" I trailed off. I bit my lip and Jacob watched me carefully. I wasn't sure if I should continue because Jacob seemed okay now. I didn't want him to be angry again. I decided to continue anyways, looking away. "When you left—I mean I know you said—I just, I was wondering… Did you—you can tell me if you did. I just…"

"No I didn't go after him." Jacob breathed.

I looked at him, surprised. "You didn't?"

"I got your message and it all comes down to what you want." He closed his eyes, taking in a breath, "But I swear, Nessie if I ever see him I won't be able to control myself. I will kill him if I see him—I just… stopped myself. I couldn't…" Jacob opened his eyes, instantly in front of me and wrapped his arms around me. "I couldn't do it knowing deep down that you didn't want me to and I don't ever want to disappoint you even though he does deserve it—"

"Thank you," I held him tight. "So much Jacob. You're right, so right. I really don't want you to go after him."

Jacob will never disappoint me. If he killed Josh I wouldn't look at him any different. He could kill half of the world and he would still be _my Jacob_. But I wasn't going to tell him. I didn't want him to take advantage of that and decide to go after him. I still don't want him to but if he did I would easily get over it.

"Thank you." I repeated.

"Anything for you, Ness." Jacob whispered. "God, anything for you."

* * *

**Thank you so much for the reviews. This is M rated because there will be some lemon. Maybe a lot of lemon. :D Review me and tell me what you think of my story along with telling me your opinion on lemon. I could write without much lemon if that's what my readers want. So let me know! I love reviews so please review me. I promise this story will get better. Just wait and you'll see.**

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